Its so weird how adoption is….everywhere.
It seems like no matter where I am, i can’t escape it. Yesterday I was in the parking lot and there is this white woman, white child, and chinese daughter. I looked, …no I stared….is that little girl adopted? Sure she could be a friends daughter, the womans husband could be chinese and older white daughter from a previous relationship, there are so many what ifs, but given my relation to adoption, and its impact on my life, it is the first thing to cross my mind.
I stare at little adoptees. They seem to trigger so much in me. Such a delicate time in their life, when they know so much, have been so suppressed to feel so differently and yet…keep trucking on. They’re alive…and so beautiful. Such a profound example of strength, they are warriors, having survived so much.
I was at work today and these two women were in there, both friends for a lifetime, both got pregnant at the same time, both there getting massages to celebrate all they had gone through in the last 7 months. ( I’m a massage therapist. ) So i sat, outside giving another woman a treatment listening to these two talk for .. 30-40 minutes.
They were so appreciative that all they had planned had worked for them so easily and I knew, i just knew it was coming when one of them said…of course, had she not been able to get pregnant, they would have just…ADOPTED.
There it is that sour taste of vomit that comes up my throat each time I hear a sentence like that. You know because we’re always the 2nd option for those who don’t get it as easy as the women above. The replacement child for the american dream of having that perfect family. Now i’m not saying that all adoptions come to for this reason, but I don’t think anyone could argue that some do, and those are the ones I am addressing now.
It is so wrong, to adopt someone else’s child because you cannot have children of your own. Adoptees are not a bandaid for your loss of a pregnancy. We don’t heal those losses, we come with issues of our own and need the attention and focus on our losses, not yours.
We are not here to fill any voids for others. We don’t want to hear the stories of how many years you tried to have kids of your own, and couldn’t so…you settled for adoption. Adoption should be about the child. Adoption should not be about the adopters and what they need.
I know this is such old news to so many people, but but but for these two women at my work sitting there speaking as if ….adoption would have just been the same. When in reality there is nothing simliar to adopting, and getting pregnant and having your own child. Throw the pregnant on paper dreams out the window because you’re being sold a car with no engine. It may appear really pretty and cute on the outside, but nothings working on the inside and the inside is where it all counts.
I just wish, for one day, those women could feel the way I feel. It would change their entire outlook on adoption. They would be alot more careful on how easily they throw that term around, and alot less likely to think its a solution to infertility.
I don’t know… just some thoughts I needed to get off my chest. 
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I hope your week is fabulous. )
Its powerful, moving and an incredible representation of the dedication some families will have and go through in order to keep their families intact. 
