Where do you think the public or community outreach to help someone adopt comes from vs. helping a mother keep her child?

Just referencing a recent article as an example:
High-school-starts-for-Romanian-adoptee

and of course one could say well in this situation we can’t say if the child was surrendered due to poverty, and youre right, we can’t…its an example of the public outreach that helped the adoptive mother adopt. Poverty surrenders happen everyday. You can peek about Romanias UNICEF poverty reports here: http://www.unicef.org/romania/overview.html If you don’t think that people surrender due to poverty…don’t even bother to comment…i’m not gonna go there with you. Well, i take that back, maybe i will just not in this post Happy new year everyone.

Russian prime minister works towards ending international adoption

Putin encourages Russians to adopt children

16:39 15/12/2011 Prime Minister Vladimir Putin said it was important to encourage Russians to adopt children and reduce the need for foreigners in the adoption of the country’s children.>>

Other news of the day

I hate meth part two

The eighteen months without him were growing for our lives. My father still lives in the same house I grew up in, on the ranch I grew up on, next to the barn full of horses in between acres and acres of orange, avocado and lemon trees.

When my girls and I first moved there they were scared to go more then ten feet from me…just last week I had to get on my seven year old cause she decided to hop on her bike and ride a half mile away on her own….but I remember those days of feeling so free on my bike, about her age with nothing but trees and moutains around me…its beautiful to see how much theyve grown. I’m so proud of them, they never hide how much they miss their father and I dont blame them…i miss him for them, like I missed my own.

The day before he was released from prison, his father overdosed on heroine. His first week out was spemt planning his dads funeral, and cleaning out his house. Everyone said if hes going to relapse he’d do it then…that thats enough to push anyone over the edge.

As im sure you can guess I was very scared and skeptical of their father being released from prison. If he was sober…i wanted him to be a part of my girls lives, hes their father, they need eachother. My therapist and partner, wanted me to have a restraining order on him, as he was released for protection, incase he wasnt safe. I chose not to, hes not violent, just unstable from addiction. I did follow their advice of meeting only in a public location, downtown, midday so we could leave if problems happened. My girls ran to him the way I ran to my mother when I first met her 21 years later. Tears flew and he picked them up in his arms and held them forever. We played at the park for an hour, ate lunch, and then left as to not overwhelm the girls too much. He looked healthy, gained weight, seemed clear in the mind, unlike a meth addict. I felt positive about the reunion.

I set up guidelines to protect my girls and if followed by him to help establish trust from me because I had none left and this needed to be about the best interest of our girls, and trust was inperative. Visits needed a time limit, sobriety was a must, communication was absolute, no random stop bys, everything must be planned ahead of time. Things needed to be taken slow, but steady, a rhythym, routine if we eere going to integrate them back into eachother lives.

The first few visits were flawless. Until one day at my house he didnt leave when agreed upon and when I ,reminded him of that he told my girls I was making him leave. That is when I withdrew. How dare he try and make Me out to be the badguy to my children after all these years of what ive done, preserving his image, he dared to put blame on me?

We argued on the phone that night. I pulled back my visits, and wanted him to pay for us to see a therapist. We needed a non biased third party to mediate this in keeping my childrens best interests first because even to this day, I’m angry at him for letting meth control his life and ruin what we had.  He still had never payed child support I didnt think a therapist session was asking too much. Instead he decided to take me to court, fight for custody of my children and to request to have his child support reduced, and petitioned for the time he was in prison  to have the child support removed completly.

The day I recieved his response to my filing for custody order from over two years ago, in the mail, I found out I was pregnant with my partners child. I was so happy and so upset at the same time. It was a beautiful and horrible day in one.

I had two weeks from the time I recieved the court papers until I was due for mediation and court. I didnt hold back, I went in prepared to tell all. One week before court he was arrested for under the influence of meth. This came out in mediation. He had to submit himself into an outpatient treatment program for six months. Knowing this, the judge called for us back to court for review of our case the week he is supposed to graduate the rehab. he was given one supervised visit per week, supervised by my amother, or he could pay a county official fifty dollars an hour. His child support wasnt reduced nor was it removed for his time served. I told the judge that I feared visitation after his arrest because I knew where he was headed wed been down this road before and I didnt want my children put through that,again, but he disagreed. Visits were reccommened by the mediator, and they were so. It’s not that I don’t want him in my childrens lives…it’s that I ned him sober before that happens. Hes left meth pipes, needles and drugs within their reach in the past…i won’t have my children endangered.

in theoutpatient treatment program thay gave weekly drug tests. If he failed one, the visits were off and the judge also gave me the ability to drug test him on spot, at my request if I felt he was under the influence. The judge said that last time the eyes of the court were not watching him but this time they were and this was his last chance in regards to my daughters in his life.

He missed his first visit. Made his second and third, and paid three hundred dollars to me for a partial child support payment. My girls had a great time tho. They went to the movies and parks and really enjoyed that time with their dad. So healing for them yet all I could think about was what would happen if he used again…i prayed for their sake he didn’t. They needed him so much. i pleaded with him even, not to use, don’t hurt them again don’t let them down. He promised he wouldnt…

All my daughter wanted this year was a new bike for her birthday at the end of last month. He pleaded with me to let him get it, I said okay but kept my eye on one incase he didn’t come through. The day after her birthday they met for their visit and he brought her the bike. Just a little too big he took it home to get training wheels on it and promised to give it to her at the next visit. The next visit was arranged…he didn’t show.

Things seemed different and all too familiar. I called him furiously, he didn’t answer. He called the supervised visit mediator,(my a mother) and blamed it on food poisoning from a bagel. I knew it was bullshit. I called him and cussed him out, he hung up. I texted him and told him I wanted a drug test, he didn’t reply. I knew he was high.

This was last wednesday…

Yesterday my daughter came to me and asked if I could call her dad and get her bike, she wanted to ride on our ranch with her sister, I called, it went straight to voicemail, his inbox was full. I knew instantly…he was in jail. I told her he didn’t answer and got her scooter for her instead, and they rode around the yard while I say at my computer and went to the inmate search page for my county. I found him. Under the influence of meth.

I leaned ontop my partners shoulder and just sighed.how anas why would he be so weak to this drug…how can he keep chosing it over our children, what was I going to tell them this time…hadn’t he hit rock bottom when he lost everything and went to prison for 18 months? Why would he even touch it again? I don’t understand. Our daughters were everything to him…why can’t he stay clean for them? My heart breaks into a thousand pieces when I think about how much they’ve lost from him. My partner is amazing with them, hes there for them, teaches them protects them and is a great make role model for them, but hes not their father…their father is in jail as I type this awaiting his 1pm court date for tomorrow.

The judge told me if he relapsed to come back to court and revisit our case with him…I’m going tomorrow morning to do that.

Why am I writing all this here…on an adoption blog…throughout these years I’ve connected so much of it to my feelings on adoption. People find out I’m anti adoption and automatically think I don’t realize there are parents unfit to raise children. Reunions and when to have them, visitations, replacement parents, and if it’s possible to replace, most importantly tho keeping the best interests of your children first even when it’s not what you want to do.

My children have lost the most here, and while everyone in our family who knows whats going on recognizes this, everyone else surprisingly expresses grief for his weakness to addiction too. I am so happy my family is recognizing my childrens loss, because it took years for them to recognize mine lolol and it’s comforting that they see his too, he has so many people concerned about his situation,i don’t think he realizes it tho.

I don’t know what the future holds for me or my daughters right now. I’m going back to see my family counselor who lost her father to addiction too, I feel visits should be off until hes sober, that has been my only requirement thus far. Idk why it’s so effin hard to do. I’ll know more tomorrow after his court date. Happy holidays!

I hate meth part one

In the last four months my girls and I have been through alot. Their father was release from prison after serving eighteen months in jail for numerous felonies and misdemeanors including multiple counts of being arrested under the influence of meth, having injection devices, stolen property, including firearms and ammunition, and caught filimg the serial number off a loaded gun. We were together for ten years before his addiction to meth began, wed planned on getting married and botj of our children were planned. He had been a steady firefighter for the forest, service for a few years, was getting a degree in college to support that career and I was a steady massage therapist…our life was good. He wanted to be home more after our first daughter was born. He got a reliable job in the union doing construction, that allowed him to come home on the weekends and evemings so he could watch our daughters grow. That is the pivital point of when the meth came into our lives.

I didnt know it at this time that he was so tired from work and the baby crying at night that he was starting to use to stay awake. It didnt help when the first ti,e he used he came home and helpped so much with our daughters and around the house, with dinner, that I told him he was the perfect man. I didnt know hed been using meth. I had no idea.

A couple months passed and our relationship was declining…we spent less time together he was moody, spending more time in the garage and less time with our family. I began to get resentful I felt like I was doimg everything aroumd the house and with the children, other then paying the bills, he did nothing for our family…

His dad came for a visit. He wanted to build a swingset for my children over the weekend and thought it could be some good bonding time for him and his son. The two of them spent hours in the yard building this swimgset, then theyd retire to the garage aka manroom and watch sports and stay out there all night. Next week came and he said his father was staying longer…that week turned into two and soon a month. I began to get suspiscious after the swingset was done and his father was still here. When they left one day I snooped…turns out his father was trying to kick heroine by staying with us in the garage. I was livid. I kicked him out upon return and told him I neber wanted to see him again. How dare he do that at my house where my children were keeping it a secret from me.

Alot of tension came between us from here until the end. I felt betrayed, indangered for my children and self and I lost all trust. We didnt talk much over the next few months. He felt betrayed, how could I throw his father out when his father needed him? How could I push him, back to his home where hed use again, family should always be there for family.

I still was unaware of his meth addiction….

A few months passed…we barely spoke. Our bills were late, cupboards less full and he was rarely home. it was time for my families annual camping trip, I told him I didmt want him to come, that it was his two weeks to get his priorities of a family together and see if it was worth making an effort to be a family, to see if he missed us and if upon our return, we could make it work.  It was also my first time alone with my girls for two weeks. It was much easier then I expected lol. I was doing everything on ,y own already just hadnt realized it at the time. The two weeks were wonderful, no fightimg with him, no tv no radio, campfires at night with the family and fishing and hikimg during the days…it was heaven.

We came home two days earlier then he had remembered…my house was trashed and this is when I first found a meth pipe. He swore it wasnt his. I raged. Hed been partying the entire time I was away, someone was asleep on my couch, all my alcohal was drank, I felt like a mother busting her highschool kid…i knew we were done. The next day I began looking for a job. I couldnt move out with no imcome but I knew it was time to go.

I got certified and liscensed for massage in my area, and put out adds for private massages, I got a few customers here and there but mot enough to move out on.

He began coming home with a friend theyd stay up all night in the garage doing god knows what. When boards went on the wimdows and a new lock on the door that they wouldnt give me the key to, I knew I had to call my family for help.

I broke into the garage that day. Climbed in through a window while my girls were at my mothers. I found blow torches, boxes of stolen property, drugs and unbelievable things…i called the police and changed the locks on our front door.

He arrived home before the police. I screamed and through his stuff at him on the lawn. How could he endanger my children like that. We were done, forever. All he took with him were his drugs and as he peeled out aroumd the corner the police that I had called pulled him over. He was arrested for possession of narcotics, possession of a smoking device, under the influence of a controlled substance and driving without insurance.

He never called collect from jail, and got out in a few days. He tried to come home with a handful of toys for our girls, I wouldnt let him in. he screamed for our girls from the front doorstep, we went into their bedroom turned baby einstein music up loud and played games and read stories and they fell asleep.

My father paid my rent that month, I held my ground and didnt let him back. Especially to an adoptee, you never jeopardize my children or their position in my family. That is whem I will turm my back on you.

He showed up one day with an officer and a copy of our lease, it was in his name. I had to let him in. my mother was out of town and father unreachable, I had nowhere to go. I called my cousin crying. He lived ten hours away, two days later he knocked on my door with two trucks in the driveway, boxes and two men to pack everything for me amd move me out.

He was my angel. We got in the car, they packed my entire house up and moved me to my fathers in a day. I love mike. He saved my life that day and my girls lives. Hes adopted too. Weve always been closer then anyone in our family, sometimes we can just sit in silence and know what the other is thinking then burst imto laughter.

Over the next few months their father, raked in over twelve felomies and fifteen misdemeanors. He finally got sentenced to two years in prison, two months after I got full custoday and court ordered child support for my girls. He never even contested losing his rights to my girls. Nor did he ever appear in court.

He served eighteen months. He wrote a handful of times I never wrote back. He called a few times and I rejected the call. I started seeimg a therapist and began to get really comcerned about how much my children missed their father. Through all of this I never badmouthed him to them. They only knew their father was sick and couldnt come over until he was better, because his sickness made him do things that could hurt us, and him, and im not okay with my girls being hurt, im their protector. I keep them safe.

Foreign Adoptions by Americans Decline…

Well, I know i haven’t been here in close to a year…but i sat down this morning and did some googling of adoption news articles and found this one. I must say that I did get a smile to see the adoptions declining. Isn’t it an eye opener to see all of the countries admitting there is adoption scandals going on and having to tighten up their system in order to protect their liability from stealing and selling children rofll. Peek the article as a whole here :

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/foreign-adoptions-by-americans-decline-again-to-lowest-level-since-1994/2011/11/16/gIQAIL5bRN_story.html

I can’t remember how to link articles anymore but i’ll figure it out if i stay active rofll. I want to paste some of my favorite clips from it below…

“One reason that the overall adoption numbers have dropped so sharply in recent years is that problems of fraud and corruption prompted the U.S. — as well as other nations — to suspend adoptions from several countries, notably Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala and Nepal.”

“Guatemala accounted for 4,123 adoptions by Americans in 2008, the most of any country that year. But the number sank to only 32 last year as the Central American nation’s fraud-riddled adoption industry was shut down while authorities drafted reforms.”

I guess when it comes from ‘bloggers’ its inaccurate and bitter, but when it comes from the Washington Post, maybe ya’ll will start listening a bit more. Anyways, happy holiday season, hope this finds you all well.

Wait…wait…one more… the NCFA WOULD be troubled by this wouldn’t they? Because that means they’re not marketing right to their primary consumers the PAP’s! “ “This trend is not right, and it is not good for children,” said Chuck Johnson, president of the National Council for Adoption. “Given the increasing number of orphaned children worldwide, the continued decline in intercountry adoptions means that children’s most basic needs and rights are being denied.””  They would however, mis-label it as “not good for children… translation: not good for our pocket books, perhaps they can’t pay their jaguar car payments and mortgage loans if trends like this continue. Who knows….