Ambiguous Loss and Disenfranchised Grief

Ambiguous Loss and Disenfranchised Grief

Oh my goodness. oh my goodness. This in itself is so much validation for me. Its like being told for so many years, “theres nothing wrong, move on, get over it, blah blah” and knowing that you know…something WAS wrong. Holding onto it inside, because nobody was there to listen. And here…validation. Just an article. So much release. Because even my group, the adoptees, made the top ten. And freakin yikes! everyone natural parents, adoptive parents, adoptees we all made the top ten. Top 7 even!

Thats scarey. Thats emotional. Wake up america? Its right before our eyes. I am baffled that such a huge percentage of society are so sheep like. Just herded from one place to another going with the flow of everyone else.

So whats this article validate for me? That society has been ignoring a great loss in my life and the lives of hundreds of thousands of other people too. And we all are connected through adoption. Thats crazy! Thats totally freaking crazy. Because such a huge part of me struggles to get along with adoptive and natural parents. I don’t know why but adoptive parents bother me. I don’t think its personal I really believe its an issue within myself. I shouldn’t feel anger twords them just for adopting but I do. I really do.

I can get along with natural parents but I get annoyed alot how some just keep wanting validation in their own loss’s and overlook the adoptees. Thats what it is really for both of them. Overlooking the adoptees. And this article has sort of turned the light on to why that is happening over and over again.

Because we’re ALL grieving.

we’re ALL seeking validation.

we ALL need to be heard.

everybody can’t take, or there will be nothing left.

Amazing that the life lesson I have been working on with God in the last day or two is to hold onto the anger I feel at certain times, learn to acknowledge it from the inside and let it go silently with each exhale. I need to practice patience, validation, compassion and empathy on the boards I guess with the others. Hold onto what i’m feeling, seek validation from outside sources and be there for people needing to be heard.

Sounds good, but then I wonder, is that the people pleasing adoptee in me? or is it just the right thing to do. I truly, don’t know.

Ideally I’d like to have professional therapy to help process everything i’m going through. Then I could REALLY be there for anyone needing validation. I can’t afford therapy though, shit, i can’t afford much these days. Poverty is a bitch. But seeing my children everyday is worth it.

If i could only allow myself to feel the happiness I deny myself. Why don’t I let myself be happy? I always seem to find something wrong as soon as I feel a degree of contentness. I want to let go of that. I’m being held captive by my pain. I want to be stong from my core again. The woman thats inside me, i want to be free.