If YOU or SOMEONE YOU KNOW has been adopted AND abused, we’d appreciate it if you sent them our way.
Our main purpose is to show the world there are many of us -
Our main purpose is to show the world there are many of us -
This project is attempting to show abuse in adoption is not an isolated incident, by collecting data on unreported abuse cases.
* Adoptees who have been abused can register anonymously and do not have to name their abusers.
* EVERY ADOPTEE that registers adds weight and presence to a problem that gets no recognition.
* It’s also an opportunity for Adoptees to share their stories and provide data about this population for future research.
With your participation, we can reach critical mass and give this issue a voice.
Thank you,
26 responses so far ↓
xxxxx // August 10, 2008 at 7:52 pm |
I am wondering if you have interest in adoptive parents who are mentally and emotionally (and sometimes physically) abused by their adopted child?
Gershom // August 11, 2008 at 4:59 pm |
Cute that you didn’t leave an email or link to yourself. I imagine that this study has somehow threatened you due to your lack of contact information, and short snippy reply? Its okay, i’ll just call you Gerald Missouri.
So Gerald, since I am not an adoptive parent, I wouldn’t be creating a study to see what has happened to them because I am an adoptee, and care about what has happened to my people first and foremost. There is such little information out there on adoptees and the abuse they have endured I see a great need for studies like this and more in the future.
Now that that has been said, this isn’t my study at all either, and I will not be a part of it because I wasn’t physically or sexually abused by my adoptive parents. But I do support it, and I do support more like this in the future and I hope many participate.
I also hope you find some clarity and grounding in your life so that you don’t feel threatened or left out when adoptees do studies on their group to help empower them for the future. Its very interesting that you clicked on the tag “angry pap” are you angry?
The Improper Adoptee // August 12, 2008 at 4:49 pm |
xxxxx Says:
August 10, 2008 at 7:52 pm
“I am wondering if you have interest in adoptive parents who are mentally and emotionally (and sometimes physically) abused by their adopted child”?
The Improper Adoptee rolls eyes……
xxxxx // August 12, 2008 at 8:46 pm |
I was not being sippy, I was asking about your study.
There was nothing snippy about the way I felt I phrased my question, which was an honest one. Your negative response tells me you have some anger yourself, probably more than you assume about me.
I have no doubt there are adoptees who are abused. I also have seen adoptees who have abused and asked for clarification on your study.
I grew up in a family with 2 adoptees, both of whom abused our parents. I also know of several other families who have door alarms and keep vigilant because their adopted child rages and is abusive toward them. I was looking for resources and located your site.
No I don’t leave a name, and if you re-read your own response to me you can guess why I was afraid to. You were very quick to dismiss me, and to provide to anyone here what you believe you know of identifying info. Nice.
Obviously here your study is only about abused adoptees and does not include adoptive parents who were abused by their adopted child. I am not saying that adoptee abuse does not occur, but my perspective is of seeing some adoptive parents suffering abuse (not all, some.)
Just because I was afraid to disclose my email to your group (not knowing how I would be received which obviously was not kindly) does NOT mean that I am not a real person, with real situations and honest concerns.
I will look else where for resources.
I am hopeful if others come here and ask for more info you do not leap on them with a judgemental response as you did me.
Gershom // August 12, 2008 at 9:44 pm |
If you were looking for information, then you should have asked for information. But you didn’t ask for information. You asked about studies in the future that weren’t about adoptees, and instead were about adoptive parents.
Adoptees needs are continually overlooked for the needs of adoptive parents on a regular basis, so yes, I am touchy about that subject. ( child placement issues, child trafficking, sealed records, name changing, amended birth certificates are just a few situations off the top of my head.)
This isn’t my study. This is a study I was blogging on for a friend.
I apologize if i got the wrong impression from your reply. You didn’t leave a name ( which has never happened to me before ) and I assumed you were a troll. If indeed you weren’t, I apologize.
To answer your question, no, i am not interested in adoptive parents who are abused by their adoptees at this time.
And if indeed you really are interested in understanding adoptees, I would suggest reading the internet. A friend of mine has studied attachment related issues surrounding adoptees for YEARS, she has incredible resources on her blog : http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com but she isn’t posting much right now.
I also want to say that when adoptees are acting out, I’m inclined not to blame them. Maybe I’m protective of my people, but I tend to view attachment related issues and side effects of “adoption” and “separation loss” as societies fault for failing us and forcing us into these coping mechanisms just in order to survive.
But that could be just me.
The Improper Adoptee // August 13, 2008 at 7:18 am |
NO way, Kali, that it is just you
. Obviously this either naive uneducated poster or vile troublemaking troll, doesn’t understand THAT CLOSED RECORD ADOPTION IS CHILD ABUSE. TELLING A CHILD THEY CAN NOT KNOW THEIR OWN MOTHER IS CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT. MAKING A CHILD FEEL GROWING UP THAT THEIR OWN MOTHER DOES NOT WANT THEM TO KNOW WHO SHE IS, IS CHILD ABUSE. EXPECTING A CHILD TO BE HONEST WITH THEIR ADOPTED PARENTS WHILE THE ADOPTED PARENTS LIE ON A PEICE OF PAPER THAT SAYS THEY CONCEIVED THEM AND AN INFERTILE WOMAN GAVE BIRTH TO THEM IS CHILD ABUSE, IMMORALITY AND EXCESSIVE IMMATURITY, and needless to say makes AP’s BAD ROLE MODELS. I don’t care Xxxx what your adopted siblings did to your parents, because they were abused first by them and all your parents got was their karma. It is also a horrific situation to be adopted and have to live with the AP’s natural children-talk about incredibly unfair! I am sure your adopted siblings wanted their own idenities, their OWN parents like you had yours. You are very bigoted in your opionion about these adopted people, and you are very rude as well to come onto this blog and try to turn the tide. And you are being snippy, and Gershom does not have a problem with anger anymore than if someone kicked you in the ankle on purpose and you would feel angry. None of us adoptees are WRONG to feel anger about the digusting oppression that is Adoption. But you are wrong to try to make us.
xxxxx // August 14, 2008 at 5:50 pm |
My parents never abused anyone.
My sibs were abused by their natural parens however, that is why they were available to adopt in the first place.
YOU (improper) are wrong to be so rude to someone you don’t even know, and who only came here to ask for more info on the study.
I hope you find some help.
The Improper Adoptee // August 15, 2008 at 4:55 pm |
You know this really is funny. The pro-Adoption people have their scripts all written out, sitting next to their keyboards already to say the same boring replys to shut us up and try to hurt us. I wonder how times Xxxxx has said the following:
“You could of been aborted”
“You must of had a bad life”
“Get Help”"
“You have an anger problem, you should seek counseling”
“Just ignore her, nothing she says is true”
“You have a bug up your ass about adoption”
“Your mother didn’t want you, just deal with it”
“It’s God’s will that I help orphans”(notice how they never say bastard babies)
“You could of been left in a dumpster”
” You sound pretty unappreciative, I feel sorry for your parents” (as in AParents)
“I guess the Attachment Therapy didn’t take”
“Your mother gave you away because she loved you”
“Adoption isn’t all bad”
And the list goes on and on and on and on…. Kali wrote blogs about the first two, and really, all of babybuying and selling trolls are SOOO boring!!!! LMAO. Can’t ya think of something new?!! Probaby, not cause they just aren’t that smart…
The Improper Adoptee // August 15, 2008 at 4:56 pm |
all of * babybuying and selling trolls
*you
almost_human // August 26, 2008 at 12:24 am |
oh hi!
i wasn’t aware i had a wordpress link! thanks Gershom!
to the unfortunate person whose parents were abused by adoptees:
- i believe you and you have a right to be upset – but not upset at all adoptees. everyone’s lost something in that scenario. maybe you should start a documentation project like i have. please, regarding my project i’d like all gloves down.
a few people are beginning to come forward with their stories – which is surprising as i’ve been overwhelmed and not done much outreach.
i believe that if everyone took a moment to actually read these stories, there would be a little more understanding and a little less stereotypical name-calling. there’s no way anyone can call us spoiled ungrateful brats. they are disturbing stories. we’ve had disturbing lives. we got a raw deal, a double whammy, and we’ve all lived in isolation sucking it up most of our lives. despite all we’ve suffered, the abused adoptees i’ve talked with are in grief and trying to pick up the pieces. some days we are angry, but mostly we try to live lives of dignity and try not to let the sadness pull us under.
we just want this to never happen to any more innocent children. with greater awareness, we hope more emphasis will be placed on child safety. because a childhood is a terrible thing to lose. and innocence can never be regained. EVERYONE no matter what side of the adoption wars you are on – should be working for cleaning up the industry and working towards seeing children grow up safely. No child from unfortunate beginnings should have to live their new better life in the hands of abusers. that it exists is a black mark on society and adoption. it needs to end. it starts with me. and everyone who comes forward out of silence at my website.
thank you for listening. i hope you all visit the site. i hope you spread the word. i hope no more adoptees get abused.
Gershom // August 26, 2008 at 2:02 pm |
Thanks for stopping by, i hope they come to your study too!! The more the better. I’ll keep that link up for you until the study is over.
Gershom
Amber // September 1, 2008 at 2:14 am |
I actually stumbled onto this site because as a 35 year old, I had to know if other adoptees had gone through the lovely Hell of child abuse.
Child abuse at the hands of the adoptive parents.
I know, I know. I’m susposed to be greatful for the the fact that as good Christians, they took in an unwanted bastard like me. However, I could have been even more greatful if I had never been punched awake in the mornings, had my head slammed in a van door or contracted rheumatic fever because they didn’t treat a case of strep throat until they actually got afraid that someone would call the cops because I was out of school for weeks (my AF wasn’t about to part with the $60 for a Doctors visit, until the only way I could get around the house was to crawl)….I’m loveing the heart damage as an adult!
Maybe I’ve just been imaging all this for years…
Gershom // September 1, 2008 at 3:31 pm |
(((Amber))) sadly, you are not alone. There are many. Far too many. One would be too many. You didn’t deserve that. Come to AdultAdoptees.org you’ll find some support.
almost_human // September 1, 2008 at 3:47 pm |
Hey Amber –
You are not alone. You know, I’ve only canvased at about half a dozen or so sites so far and have gotten 13 other abused adoptees registering at my site. Plus, I know from reading the sites there are many more that have not bothered. I can also extrapolate, that since it took me DECADES to come to terms with my abuse, there are probably many more out there.
Most of those that come to my site haven’t bothered to post their stories yet, but they all say they appreciate the site and knowing they’re not alone. I always ask for a brief introduction to filter out imposters, but I think they are so happy to talk to someone about all they’ve had to put up with, that they always reply with an extensive accounting of what they’ve been through. Talking with others on poundpuplegacy.org about abuse and on AdultAdoptees about adoption has really helped me a lot. Feel free to sign up to my site or email me any time.
Cassandra // September 1, 2008 at 7:14 pm |
I was just wondering why there are different posts on the real blog site and on fav.or.it?
Specifically http://fav.or.it/post/348390
I sure am shocked of all the abuse by AP’s, but also by the abuse when adoptees find their real parent(s). Like me, being rejected yet again is just another slap in the face. For the luck or love of God or some spiritual being, I wasn’t abused by my AP’s, but treated as one of their own. I thank whomever it is each day that watches over us that I was given to a family that actually wanted me, now that I have met my real parents. The pain will never go away, but the pain is eased greatly by the love from my AP’s.
I also wanted people to read this blog to see the other side of the real mother vs AP. http://fav.or.it/post/444487/you-know-im-just-going-to-say-it
This isn’t my blog, but I found after readding the former one I came across which led to this blog here.
I’d rather have not found my real parents, because I built up such a fantasy in my mind about them and their love for me that was squashed. I hoped for so long they were too young, too poor or it was religous reasons, maybe cohersion by parents, but it was just a dislike of children and selfishness. My existence would mean less vacations at couples only resorts, and no more dinner parties and adult-only events. I wasn’t wanted at all.
I’m sorry so many adoptees are mistreated.
Gershom // September 1, 2008 at 11:17 pm |
Hi Cassandra,
I am not sure what you mean by “different.” I see the same posts, and I haven’t been changing my posts except one about the Florida agency recently that I added onto it I had edited it.
Gosh what happened to you must hurt. I can’t imagine being rejected and I have so a couple of friends online who have been as well and it eats me up. So much of my healing and growth came from after reunion.
Were you able to trace your heritage at all? I won’t get into the real mother vs. ap mother debates. I have two mothers. Its that simple.
I know Issy from Adopt this, and I don’t think her post was trying to be a label for the real mother debate. I think it was about her own relationship and how she is feeling about her mothers I could be wrong.
Everybody is different and this study isn’t about which mother is real to more adoptees than the other. This is about adoptees who were abused.
I am so sorry that you were rejected, and I am so sorry to any adoptee who is on either side of the rejecting be it from the natural family, or the adoptive family, nobody deserved it.
((((((Cassandra)))))
Gershom // September 2, 2008 at 1:25 pm |
whoever is using my blog in fav.or.it to slander other people, take it elsewhere please.
Gershom // September 2, 2008 at 1:31 pm |
Take this to another place, this has no business being posted on my blog feed.
sent from: fav.or.it [FID1559833]
Adopted and Abused (study update) « Anti-Adoption // September 7, 2008 at 12:30 pm |
[...] If you or someone you know have been adopted AND abused click here [...]
Jill Ekstrom- Bailey // September 23, 2008 at 3:45 pm |
I am a birth mother and adoptee, due to my “case” as a searcher I was disowned by my adoptive family. When my father passed away they all disowned me,because my birthmother was nuts they assumed I was.
I love them all dearly but they have emotionally abused me, mentally abused me which is why at the end of my divorce I will NOT go back to my madien name but some dear friends offered their last name so that I would know I was loved and wanted, faults and all after all isnt that what unconditional love is? I am sorry that some of you have felt the need to ATTACK the person who posed the question.
It was a question in my mind not an attack.
Just me personally
Jill
Gershom // September 25, 2008 at 12:23 am |
Hi Jill, thanks for coming by. So sorry about the abuse you have endured from some many people. Thanks for speaking out.
Michelle // October 11, 2008 at 12:28 pm |
Just found your site and wanted to say “thank you” for starting it. Another abused adoptee here who was neither wanted for the right reasons nor loved.
Gershom // October 13, 2008 at 5:02 pm |
((((Michelle))))
sheryl // March 5, 2009 at 11:23 pm |
people who are non adoptees will never understand the emotional turmoil that adoptees go through. non adoptees believe that we are being ungrateful. Even if we were abused. they think that we should be grateful we were adopted at all and werent wards of the state our whole childhood going from one foster home to another,and dealing with possibly several abusive foster homes. We should be grateful that we had a roof over our head and didn’t end up homeless and on the street. those of us adopted by abusive parents do end up on the street, due to the abuse and run away. Cps does nothing about it they right you up as a troubled adoptee, never even investigating the situation. There is no excuse for abuse!!!! Plain and simple. These horrible attitudes by some of you are seriously disturbing.
Gershom // March 5, 2009 at 11:26 pm |
Amen
serin // July 10, 2009 at 4:59 pm |
I just wanted to say I was adopted and abused. I tried to tell once that I was being abused and got tol dto be grateful I had even been taken in. As a grown women I’m not grateful.