The Roots of the Problem – and Family Trees

You’ve got to love the title that came up in my “adoption agency” google alerts: The Roots of the Problem – Adoption Advocates say family trees don’t work for all kids, family orchard anyone?

Why have our roots been stigmatized as such a large part of the problem for the “adopted” for so long? When in fact, as this article clearly shows ( unintentionally ) its the train of thought that is clearly the problem. Its societies lack of willingness to face our differences, and unveil the secrecy that is the PROBLEM. Not our roots.

*cracks a beer*

*kicks her feet up*

A teacher launched a classroom discussion of family backgrounds, focusing on “bloodlines” that extend from parent to child, then assigned a “family-tree project” to Garrett and his classmates. Garrett struggled with it, at one point writing plaintively “I am an American” on the lower right of the form. A few days later, his mother, Pamela Mack, noticed he had erased those words.

“Garrett, why did you erase this?” she asked her son. On the verge of tears, he replied: “I’m not American, and I’m not Korean, and I don’t want to be Garrett anymore.”

Raise your hand if you’re an adoptee who has felt this way. *raises hand* and I’m sure if i were in a room full of adoptees, every single one would raise his/her hand. This feeling, is at the core of being adopted, and especially for transracial adoptees which I also happen to be. This is something we all have felt, this is something we can all relate to.

“He was basically saying, ‘I don’t know what I am so I don’t want to be anything.’ It broke my heart.”

No, i disagree. I don’t agree with her interpretation at all. He’s saying, “I come from somewhere, and I live somewhere else with people who aren’t the people I come from, I don’t know what or who I am. I want to be ME, but who am I?”

“They should keep in mind that some adopted kids don’t know their [birth] family, and try to come up with ways that they can do their project without having to feel bad that they don’t know their family,” says Ruby Cheresnowsky, 10, of Salem, an adopted child from Guatemala. “

Notice how the author puts in “birth” and the girl says “family?” You bet I got a snicker out of that. I agree to point, I mean clearly this girl has been told this from the next line, but what our society needs is more honesty and clarity behind our origins, for starters OPEN RECORDS would help. When you leave children in the dark about their origins, THAT is when shame comes in, or bad feelings, or “erased” citizenships etc. This is all about the secrecy behind adoption… and take a look at what Ruby says next…

They should keep in mind that some of this stuff might be private and confidential. Some adopted kids might not want to share their parents’ background.”

And most of these kids, don’t KNOW their parents backgrounds. Its alot easier to say you dont want to share it, when you don’t really know it. Because having shitty parents, isn’t an adoptee trait, thats just a fact of life for some of us. But private and confidential…those are words being told to her, those are adoption industry words, I’m surprised she didn’t throw in a “some of this stuff might be private and confidential for my best interests.” Lord help this girl when she realizes the truth behind the crap she’s being fed just to soothe the wounds of curiosity behind being an adoptee and make it easier on her adoptive parents from having to explain to her what in the hell has happened to her.

Some adoption advocates say that such projects can suggest to kids that their own family situation is “not normal,” or prompt them to ask themselves why their birth parents chose not to raise them, or why they know so little about their own background.

And WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH THAT? Shouldn’t we be encouraging the children to ask why they weren’t raised in their natural families? why they know so little about their OWN background? NEWSFLASH, being raised by replacement parents ISN’T normal. Denying that truth only does damage to the adoptee and to the parents. Its not normal to give your child away to be raised by someone else. And its not normal to take that child in, rename it, seal their birth certificate, have a new one issued that says you gave birth to him/her, and walk around pretending as if it were so. Thats not normal. Where is this sugar coating coming from and why does society have such a hard time facing the freaking truth?

All in all, some advocates argue, such projects can pose painful dilemmas or raise questions about identity to youngsters at an age when they are ill equipped to handle them

When is someone ill equipped to “handle” the truth and reality of their circumstances? So what are they suggesting here…hide from it? run from it? sugar coat it because its easier for them to digest? If these people are thinking the adoptee doesn’t know he/she is different than the normal families they’re dead wrong. Its not the family tree project that made those “feelings” surface, the feelings were there all along, its just to hard for the normals to handle. Try walking a day in an adoptees shoes if they think a family tree project is hard. Pffft. Welcome to the life of a transracial adoptee, where everything is a reminder. You can’t run around trying to point blame on the projects when the blame lies in the act of adoption and the secrecy itself.

Read the rest of this crap article here if you must