They Dance Alone ( The Abuelas de Plaza de Mayo )

They Dance Alone

Lyrics here

Read about the abuelas from their home page http://www.abuelas.org.ar/

There is a translator on the top right corner for it to be in english or italian Its powerful, moving and an incredible representation of the dedication some families will have and go through in order to keep their families intact.

Our demand is concrete: that the children who were kidnapped as a method of political repression be restored to their legitimate families.

more on this soon…. xoxoxoxoxo

Summer is coming to an end….

And my blog calls me again…. as the mornings are cooler, my children are in school, the evenings get dark sooner…. I am finding myself more eager to return to this…

that an the 20 comments that were on hold for the last month lmfao.

I miss you guys and hope summer has treated you all well.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gersh

Separation and abandonment is a bitch

I watched a video today of this girl in China who believed her new adoptive parents were coming to take her home. She had TB and it ends up that she can’t go home with them. The video is the future adoptive mother taping the goodbye. All screams of “put the camera down” aside… I want to talk about this moment in the little girls life and what it feels like to go through that.

I think its the core of my adoptee-ness. I have been there so many times. At her age she is probably so scared to hold onto someone, to love them, to open up to them and in the video it seems like she has established some amount of trust in the man, her future adoptive father.

Then it happens, 3/4 of the way into the video she “gets” it. They’re leaving and she’s not going with them. The screams, the pleads for them to not leave without her. The cries, pulling for them to stay, pushing those trying to keep her away….oh how I have been there.

The rage will follow, hatred, detachment and finally…the life saving numbness that will stay with her forever. By the time she’s my age she’ll be able to turn it on and off if she’s aware of it like I am. Use it as a body guard, shield, warrior of self. Detach, numb, forget, protect and move on. Survival mechanisms are beautiful things.

My adoptive mother hated it about me. I would never open up, my wall is there, and will remain forever. I don’t let people in past a certain point for the same reason this little chinese girl screamed in this video. Cause once you do, you become a slave to their presence, it then becomes a game to always make sure they’re there for you, not going to leave you, still love you, that they’re not mad at you, and never ever going to abandon you.

Those without separation issues just don’t get it. How could you, you have never lost a part of your being like this. Once you lose it, it doesn’t come back. Its not curable by love, by the return of someone to care for you, by a stuffed animal, food, material things, it can’t be fixed. All you have is yourself and those who have walked in your shoes.

Damn.

New blog! Madame Compassionateless ! Love it!

Madame Compassionateless

Read it, Link it, love it

What do you do when you’re stressed?

This is totally not just about adoption. This last year, was one of the hardest of my entire life. That “hard” had nothing to do with adoption, so I just want to make it clear. In the midst of all that struggle, and down time tho i’ve found a lot of things to do that cheer me up. This, on the other hand, could totally benefit the adoptee community.

Many of us hit what feels like brick walls, and down times when fighting to restore our rights, dead ends in searches, dealing with our own feelings and circumstances due to being adopted… so i just wondered, is there anyone else who like me turns their music up really really high and rocks out to “the man formerly known as prince’s song “Kiss?”

What do you do to feel better? I have this incredible window in my new home that takes up the entire wall and it overlooks orange orchards and beautiful mountains and I watch the most breath taking sunset almost nightly. So i’ve been painting…alot. It FEELS SO GOOD.

Something else I’ve been doing is yoga, and its awesome too. Late at night, i put my little DVD in, kids are asleep and I breathe and stretch my body and you know….it feels like i’m just stretching those struggles right out of me.

So I wanted to know what ya’ll are doing out there? Whats working for you? Share… positive direction is always good.