I’ve been thinking about this post for a while, and every time I start thinking about what I will write, I “sigh.” Maybe because its one of the most common questions asked to me, its something I’ve repeated so many times, and still something that baffles me because I can’t believe so many people actually think this way.
I guess first I want to start out by saying, I’m a monkey, and anyone who knows or believes anything about Chinese year signs knows we’re curious and inquisitive. Maybe its the monkey in me or maybe its something else but I have never been one of those people who can just accept an answer because it is said to me. I am one of those people continually questioning my beliefs to make sure they are concrete. If there is anything I want the readers of this to understand it’s that I have tried numerous times to talk myself out of being anti adoption more times than I can count. I don’t want it to be this way. I have questioned my beliefs to such a great extent I feel like I can argue the oppositions side better than they can most of the time.
So when yet another comment comes through in my feed asking me what alternatives i would have preferred for my life since I was in foster care, or what i would like to see happen to the thousands of parent-less children who need families and their families can’t take care of them I cringe. It feels like society is stuck in this bubble that there is parenting your own child….or adoption. There is no in-between, there is no alternative, there is no other option it is one or the other, black or white… children who cannot for whatever reason stay with their family should be GRATEFUL they are adopted and had numerous rights violated in the process and just hush already. How dare we bastards fight for equality because you know the alternative don’t you….we could have been aborted. lol.
I want to write this out and just link it up to the sidebar so that I can just refer commenter’s there because honest to god they come in the hundreds.
Adoption to me is not parenting. It does not consist of parenting. Adoption, is a legal act of transferring legal parental rights to parties. Here is the wiki definition:
- Adoption, the legal act of permanently placing a child with non-biological (adoptive) parents other than the biological (natural) parents.
It has nothing to do with the actual parenting of a child on an emotional level it is simply defining the legal act of taking another’s child in permanently.
That being said….I am not against the non biological parental figures of a child raising him/her when his/her natural parents TRULY cannot. I am WELL aware that there are some parents who are not fit to raise their children. I have sole and full custody of my children, I have taken their father to court and fought to have his rights taken until he is sober and in the right state of mind to be caring for children because at this time and for the past 4 years he has not been. I get it. I know the world isn’t perfect and not everyone can raise their babies.
However, I am not seeking a perfect world when I say that I oppose adoption, I’m speaking out for equality for adoptees. What IS possible is replacement parents, raising other people’s children without violating the rights that the adoptee has violated in every legal adoption of today. (Name changes, fee’s exchanged for the adoption of children, fee’s differing on race, altered birth certificates, sealed birth certificates. People profiting off of an adoption in any way shape or form… ) THE LEGAL PROCESS of adoption, violates numerous rights of the adoptee and that is a fact. That, ladies in gentlemen is what I am adamantly against. I am pro adoptee and honestly ALL of you should be. Adoptive parents, Parents who have surrendered and Adoptees should ALL be against the above things. ANYONE who isn’t hasn’t dug deep enough into the industry then to even have a say imo. loll. And i realize that sounds harsh but there is no good reason any of you wouldn’t be pro adoptee and anti adoption after putting some thought into it. Every argument can be discredited and the rights of the adoptee should always supersede the needs and wants of anyone else in the industry because after all, the adoption is for us…. isn’t it?
Bit of a rant but I’m so sick and tired of people being so ignorant to the fight for adoptee rights and just so closed-minded all together to not see the big picture of what is going on here to ask something so stupid as what would I like to have happened then? What would I like to have happened if I hadn’t been adopted?
To be kept…for my mother to have been given the same amount of support to PARENT me that she was to surrender me for a start. Had she still not been able to and she still felt the need to place me with replacement parents, how about not changing my name at 8 months old? I had a name. and as a mother to 3 I know that my children all knew their name at 8 months… I dreamt about my birth-name, I called myself it when i would play with friends as i grew older, i named my stuffed animals my birth-name and all the while not even my adoptive parents knew what it had been. How about keeping my birth certificate….real? Not altering or sealing it for starters, and there shouldn’t EVER be a single person profiting off of adoption.
Respecting and honoring the rights of the adoptee are the alternatives I’d like to see in adoption. Point me to where the adoptee is even legally represented and honored in the process of adoption please? Because I’m just not seeing it…
Sure we can get into the whole bypassing of “adoption” all together, try legal guardianship, try becoming the legal guardians of a mothertobe who wants to keep her baby and helping to raise your new grandchild instead of separating the two. People call adoption a selfless act but I can find quite a few more selfless avenues where the adoptee is respected if you want the “selfless act” title to be legit.
I honestly can’t believe people don’t see this and are so stuck in adoption as such a mighty act of kindness to a needy infant… it’s so insulting and flat-out mind-boggling to me.
Bleh, I’ll finish this another day and post it up as is…ha! Hope everyone is well and enjoying spring! My garden is growing and my ducks and chickens are flocking around, enjoying the sunshine as I am. peace!