Today I was with my mother…


Her husband was outside in the parking lot waiting for us as we pulled in. I recognized him immediately and waved and honked so he knew we’d arrived. We were about 15 minutes late due to a marathon in our area that slowed traffic. He came over and greeted us and helped us out of the truck and walked me to my mom. I saw her before she knew we were there. Her hair was perfect, her back was to me but I’d have found her from anywhere, it’s almost as if the heavens shut down the world when she’s within a 50 yd radius to me and all of the sunlight just blankets her body….nothing else moves, nothing else matters, all sounds tune out and I become fixated on my mother. She hears us coming and turns around from the table she’s waiting for us at, hair perfect, make up flawless, and she smiles that painful “I miss you” smile and in an almost vampire fast movement like fashion I was instantly in her arms. When I’m in my mothers arms…. and she in mine, its hard for us to let go. It isn’t awkward, it isn’t uncomfortable, it just ‘is.’ She pulled back away from my face enough to see me and still keep her arms around me and just bawled. It is those moments that the rejected adoptee disappears, those feelings on my post from a few days ago become insignificant, she grabbed my face and told me how much she loved me and how sorry she was that she upset me and how she’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she doesn’t make me feel that way again, and we’ll move forward together. We ate, we laughed, we took pictures, she held my children, talked with them and laughed with them. There are no words that can describe the peace I feel when I am with my mother. I can be me. FINALLY. just me. I couldn’t believe how much my children resemble her, the similarities are mind-boggling. Everything seems so easy, and just natural. I noticed some adoption related things pop out today in our visit, but right now I just want to soak in this feeling and let it be with me. I feel so good, whole and at ease today, I’ll elaborate on the other things in a different post later on but right now I’m going to just go watch a movie and keep this feeling as long as I possibly can. ❤