“Be grateful you weren’t aborted.”
I wonder if a “non adopted” person has ever even been told that, in general.
I can’t think of a situation where I’ve heard a non adopted person release emotions from traumas in their life and had “be grateful you weren’t aborted” thrown back in return.
Oh you didn’t know? Yep, I’m told it at least once a week online and I don’t have enough fingers to count how many times I’ve been told that IRL offline too. I guess, based on my own personal experience I could come to the conclusion that the majority of the public believes that if I wouldn’t have been adopted , I would have been aborted. That or left in an orphanage(even though I’m a US domestic adoptee), or foster care, they just assumed adoptees are unwanted and that because of that we have no right to be equal human beings, we have to settle for second best of everything because, we were accidents, we’re unwanted mistakes, illegitimate bastards.
Everyone just “assumes” we should settle for second best, and that we’re second class. By the way the laws are shaped and ontop of the old “grateful you weren’t abortion” line, I’d say we ARE second class citizens. Replacement parents, replacement ID’s, replacement birth certificates, legal adult children who need our parents signatures for our own identifying information, rarely given the space to grieve our losses unless its in a group of our own, like minded adopted brothers and sisters, shut up and be grateful, bastards.
No, I am not grateful for ANY of that. And NONE of that has to DO with my conception. Dismissing that on the grounds of my conception and mother choosing to not terminate my life doesn’t even make sense?!?!
A man or woman today on Yahoo Answers has been reading here, and felt he/she had the right to speak for me in a question of his/her own, about MY positions on adoption. Another reason why I need to just focus on reform and not waste time especially when you have internet “stalkers.” Ewww Creepy.
He/she posted that I had started a question “is adoption an alternative to abortion” which I did, and said I was a self proclaimed “wished she had been aborted instead of adopted” person. That I’m the angriest person he/she has ever seen and of course… he/she would “pray” for me. Why do they always want to insult me and then pray for me?!?! No thanks, I don’t want prayers from him/her having ANYTHING to do with me.
I don’t wish I was aborted. There was a time in my life when I did. A long time. Years. I wanted to die, but obviously a part of me wanted to live, or else I would have succeeded I’m no idiot, I know how to end my life. So I was crying out, maybe I had to “feel” life, maybe I needed a “jump start” again, a chance to really remember “you’re alive.” It seems like in your weakest moments you grow, and become so strong, so wise.
It sucks to not know your beginnings, it leaves open wounds for too many years, too many unanswered questions that are important to the development of sense of “self.” Discovery of self is left to be based on assumption from those around you who aren’t primarily involved. Those around you thinking you would have been aborted and dismissing your pain from adoption due to that assumption.
Ha! and you know what’s funny, I came out of that “hating life” experience and somewhere, somehow managed to be “grateful I wasn’t aborted.” I don’t know how I crossed the bridge from feeling like I wished I was aborted to being grateful I wasn’t but nevertheless the theme of being a “saved abortion” echoes my life which is my point.
When I found my mother the FIRST sentence I wrote to her was “thank you for life.” ( I was living in the saved abortion “fog” still )
A lifetime of outside influence and assumption became a foundation of my sense of “life” so much that the first words to my mother from me were under the impression that if I hadn’t been adopted, i would have died and yet still reaching out to her to thank her and I then closed with “I love you.”
Abortion was never an option for my mother. All those years, thinking she didn’t love me, she didn’t want me, she didn’t care about me, that I would have been dead, I would have been aborted, when in fact I wouldn’t have been aborted, I would have been kept. She DID love me. Imagine that.
Many adoptees would have been kept.
It’s like they don’t want to hear anything an adoptee has to say – the fastest way (they think) is to insult us with “be grateful you weren’t aborted” instead of saying “shut up.” We adoptees have our voice and insults bounce off…I think we’re born stronger than anyone realizes.
Oh you are so correct – nice perspective!